Noah Maloney runs on caffeine and happy meals

I'll cut my hair when people stop asking me. Maybe.

Good party, everyone.

Private to Sapphira:

Didn't really get the chance to catch you last night. How's things? You seemed

end private

I've got some tea and a massive bowl of soup on hold if anyone wants to warm up. Lysander, there's some vegetable soup for you as well. But Gen said it best - party in the common room!

Good game, Hufflepuff. Shame about the conditions otherwise we both would have put on more of a show.

( Private to Ravenclaw Quidditch )

( Private to Domi )

( Private to Sapphira )

Tomorrow I expect to see it painted blue, Ravenclaws. Wear your house colours with pride!

Good luck, Hufflepuff.

To my Secret Santa,

Thank you. Just thank you. You have no idea.

Your latest was even better than the Slinky.

- Noah

To everyone else, I don't know. Word association?

And no, I haven't cut off my hair.

Well played both teams. I offer you imaginary McDonalds. Because I won't be able to go to a real one until December.

Private to Ravenclaw Quidditch:

Anyone who wasn't at the game as I was, bright and early and taking notes on their opposite number, is off the team.

Joking!

But I was there and taking notes. I'm scheduling a team meeting right before dinner to talk about how to deal with Hufflepuff if they pull a Slytherin and switch players on us. There will be biscuits involved. In the meeting, not the strategy.

end private

Private: Buggershitfuckbollocks.


I hope she doesn't tell Gen.

I hope Gen doesn't take it personally.

I saw Sloper

end private

Private to Sapphira:

I'm sorry Alright there?

end private

Private to Rhys:

I saw It was Er

end private

I need a cigarette

Private to fifth year girls

Does anyone have some chocolate they can spot me? I'll replace it.

And don't tell Sapphira. Robards. Not that I'm aware of another Sapphira.

end private

Dance. Huh.

I like Wolfgang's idea of giving out something that doesn't cost you much, but I think patience is slightly different to a hug. Hugs are over with pretty quickly and painlessly, but patience needs to be maintained over some time by definition. While individual differences account for a lot, that's something which is really quite taxing.

Private to Maeve Cadwallader:

Do you give lessons?

end private

Private:

Today is the day.

end private

Private to Ravenclaws

Fellow housemates, will you join me in my quest?

You'll see at breakfast.

end private

This is why I think boys should be allowed into girls' dorms. One of the Gryffindor lads could have taken care of that cockroach for Emily and Sloper. How can they be gallant and heroic if they can't rescue damsels in distress? It's meant to be one of their house traits.

Do the wards still work if you're on a broom?

Private to Claire Molly:

Hi.

You flew a good trial.

I have some questions to ask you.

end private

Think I'm going to close the bidding off now because it's getting pretty insane and I don't want to be responsible for anyone having a nervous breakdown this close to term. Sorry lads and lasses. I had no idea how popular Hufflepuff blokes were. Course, Ravenclaw blokes weren't being auctioned.

So that leaves this:

Marty: 2001 biscuits to Brooke
Josh: 2000 biscuits to Iona
Luke: 700 to Nikki
Sylvester: 357 biscuits to Annila and Charlotte
Arthur: 1 cake or 30 biscuits to either Corrie or Lysander

Even I can't possibly eat all those, so I'll send some to St. Mungo's and save the rest for the Ravenclaw house party. And whoever else we end up inviting.

Not completely sure why people are packing already. I'm thinking ten minutes before I have to Apparate out of here should do it. Actually why can't I just Apparate to Hogsmeade and walk from there? Why the train?

(not) Free (but cheap*) to a good home dorm: your very own seventh year Hufflepuff bloke

Except not the creepy one. I'd end up owing people.

Bloke A: Marty McFly Poke
Genuine, witty, and ridiculously good-looking. Though for that reason you might not want him around if you're a bloke. Unless your name is Noah Maloney, he's too much competition. He might not pick up his socks, but he will defend you to the death and always have a pithy comeback for your enemies. Has bought Noah a beer. Starts at five chocolate biscuits.
6 biscuits: Charlotte Macmillan 18 biscuits: Rachel Sloper 23 biscuits: Brooke Church 30 biscuits: Lysander Scamander 58 biscuits: Brooke Church 94 biscuits: Lysander Scamander 409 1000 biscuits: Brooke Church

Bloke B: Luke Morin
If you were around Diagon Alley last month, I really don't need to elaborate. Plays a decent guitar and if his room on the tele was anything to go by, he'll be a tidy dormie. Has not bought Noah a beer. Starts at four chocolate biscuits.
6 biscuits: Roxanne Weasley 10 biscuits: Hollyoaks Pye 18 biscuits: Roxanne Weasley 25 biscuits: Hollyoaks Pye 36 biscuits: Roxanne Weasley 50 62 biscuits: Hollyoaks Pye 200 biscuits: Lysander Scamander 300 biscuits: Nikki Worple 500 biscuits: Hollyoaks Pye 700 biscuits: Nikki Worple

Bloke C: Sylvester May
Tall, dark and handsome and a nice enough bloke. Good older brother. Has not bought Noah a beer. Starts at three chocolate biscuits.
4 biscuits: Charlotte Macmillan 20 biscuits: Emily Longbottom 30 biscuits: Lysander Scamander 80 biscuits: Annie Zeller 94 biscuits: Lysander Scamander

Bloke D: Josh Ives
Has hairy knees. Does not look good in a skirt. On the plus side, is not Delving and has good taste in grog. Likely owes Noah money for beer. Starts at two chocolate biscuits with a bite taken out of one.
20 biscuits: Iona Bradley 30 biscuits: Lysander Scamander 200 biscuits: Iona Bradley

Bidding closes on the 31st.

* though not necessarily easy, unless you're Ives

So, film festival. Who wants in? I'm not fussed but I'd like at least one girl on the team. In case we get landed with Romance. Because no offense, Josh, but I don't want to have to plant one on you.

Not that there's anything wrong with being a bloke and wanting to do that.

I'll also bring coffee.

Private to Ravenclaws:

Quidditch. I can try to set up some times in case you want to practice against each other in the next few weeks. I recommend some sort training anyway so we have the edge when we get back. Remember, no one's place is guaranteed. Except mine. I know that's sort of unfair, but I'm the captain so I need to be on the team.

Also while it's not a secret, it's probably not a good idea to advertise to the other houses that we're doing something like this. Competition and all that, you know.

end private

Private to Sapphira, Skye Rosier and Emma Gulch:

Girls, if you need me to Apparate any of you to see Ellyn once she's allowed visitors, I can do that.

I'm also sending you each a piece of Coffee Bean cheesecake.

end private


Private to Ravenclaw seventh years, Hufflepuff seventh years minus Arthur, and Rhys:

This isn't good.

end private

I'm beginning to feel concerned about the well-being of the seventh year Hufflepuff boys. Delving seems to be a little obsessed with slavery, servitude and footrubs. And I've been told that there are some good-looking blokes in that dorm. Eric, mate? Do you know if the school's sexual harassment policies cover intra-gender actions?

Arthur. Mate. It's alright. If there's something you need to tell us, just get it out there. You'll feel better for it. And your dormmates will sleep more soundly at night.

Forgot to tell my parents that I invited The Muggle Life to stay. Whoops. Dad's pretty cool with it but Mum's not happy.

Ada, I'm sorry I wasn't there to greet you and your friend when you arrived. I'll take both of you out to make up for it. Want to go to Liverpool? It's more happening there, and we can go to the Beatles museum since someone said music's one of your interests.

You are looking at the newest Ravenclaw Quidditch captain. Well, the newest Ravenclaw Quidditch captain's journal, more accurately. Since you can't actually see me through this.

Just a head's up: trials will be coming up pretty quickly once term starts up again. And if you were on the team last year, your place isn't necessarily guaranteed. Experience and having proven yourself under pressure is important but if someone in your position completely outperforms you, I'll have to give them a chance.

Private to Ravenclaws:

KFC. My place. I'm buying. Who's with me?

end private

One of the kids next door wants to start an anti-racism group. The group however is WAR (Whites Against Racism).

Not sure if he realises the irony.

Hope everyone enjoyed being taken out for a complimentary fast food tour. Wait, how does that work if I only paid for my own food? Think I'll next go on a quest for a London Taco Bell. After I finish the sports section.

Cor, it ain't half hot, is it? Luckily Dad's been writing some of his stuff from home, so he's invested in air conditioning.

If you hold your wand over it, the rabbit moves.

Muggle fast food to try:

Burger King: Their Mushroom Swiss burger is really good. Has more vegetarian options than the other two.
McDonalds: Nice ice creams and milkshakes. Has kids servings and a few healthier choices. Best coffee, but they serve it a bit hotter than the other places. Most variety. Their hot chocolate comes with marshmallows. Nice apple bake things.
Kentucky Fried Chicken: Good for mashed potato and chicken wings, obviously. Good if you like spicier foods. Rather greasy, even for fast food standards. Don't eat their coleslaw.

If anyone wants I'll be happy to take them to one. So long as it's after noon.